Barstool’s Weekend Soccer Preview – The “(North London & Other) Dærby Day” edition
Sam’s Safe Space For Soccer Stoolies
Hi Haters™,
Great weekend of soccer ahead featuring some dærbies that honestly need no introduction but before getting balls deeper in the action than this flexible fella
I am contractually obligated to lie, cheat, beg, barter, plead and nicely request that you subscribe to the Sam’s Army podcast wherein we discuss all the best and worst goings-on in the Land of the Lawn Fairies – and nothing in between – including this latest episode that includes a frank discussion about the “news” that Gregg Berhalter will (reportedly) be the next USMNT coach
a rundown of the midweek Champions League results and an audible version of all the previews/predictions you are about to receive in blog form down below.
Don’t like podcasts? Not a problem. Subscribe anyway. Last time I checked a pity subscription counts just as much as a legit subscription.
Now onwards we march towards the previewing and predictioning….
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ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE
Scores from last weekend in the EPL (including the game that the league slyly snuck in earlier today):
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Rapid fire news, notes, highlights, lowlights and observations:
– Game of the weekend was never much of a contest. Spurs scored and – despite not getting an obviously penalty call when Hazard was brought down in the box – Chelsea got pressed and counter-attacked into bolivian. In conclusion, I shall reiterate what I have been saying that the Blues are not a title contender (nor are Tottenham though, to be honest).
– Arsenal’s Unai Emery benched Mesut Ozil and was rewarded with a tough road win against a game and determined Bournemouth side. Can’t be mad about that if you are a Gooner, though it certainly wasn’t pretty. The Cherries conceded an own goal and had a goal very questionably chalked off due to offside.
– Liverpool picked up the least lopsided 3-0 win in history against Watford, which deserved a penalty that would have put them up 1-0 in the 55th minute… ref ignored it and the Reds nicked not one, not two, but three late goals.
– Scoreless draw against an extremely “meh” Palace at Old Trafford is pretty disappointing for United, but it was resignation exuded by Jozay during his postgame press conference that really caught my attention. He seemed like a broken man who has run out of ideas and/or guys to throw under the bus. Not a good look.
– Big win for Fulham in Claudio Ranieri’s first game. I would NOT call it a harbinger of things to come since their previously extremely atrocious defense looked more like a pretty atrocious defense while conceding two goals to a woeful Southampton team. Tinkerman has got a LOT of tinkering to do to get this team back on track.
– 1-0 home win against Cardiff is not much to write home about but I doubt Everton fans care – nor should they.
– Credit to West Ham for giving it all they had against City. For the first 2-3 minutes.
– Newcastle is HUT like FARRRRRRR at the moment. First three-game win streak since the mid-80’s according to one source (aka my dumb brain). Nothing a little trip back home can’t ruin though…
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POWER RANKINGS
TOP 4
1. City
2. Liverpool
3. Tottenham
4. Chelsea
Honorable mention: Arsenal, United
BOTTOM 3
20. Burnley
19. Southampton
18. Palace
Dishonorable mention: Wolves
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Table as it stands now:
And this weekend’s schedule:
Big, big, big, YOUUUUUUUUUGE day on Sunday with back-to-back-to-back dærbies that I have christened:
(Oh chill out, Liverpool fans, explanation to follow…)
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PICKS OF THE WEEKEND
Arsenal [+155]
Tottenham [+165]
Draw [+245]
THE GOOD: Both teams come in flying. Spurs have won six in a row (and actually looked good doing it recently – a welcome change), while Arsenal haven’t lost since September or so. I have been saying it all season and will say it again today: Spurs are an objectively better team and they will end up finishing higher than Arsenal this season. If you went through and did a combined XI you could at most – and I mean at the absolute most – include three Arsenal players. That said, this has Spurs loss written all over it.
Tottenham come off two intense games against Chelsea and Inter that were as emotionally draining as they were physically exhausting. That is unfortunately one of the downsides to Pochettino’s high-pressure style. Arsenal are fresh from a Europa walkover in which they basically played their U-17s against some sort of Ukrainian team.
Point being, things have been going to well for Spurs and it is high time the wheels came off, and what more spiritually-eviscerating way to do it than against their bitter rival!
Arsenal to win 2-1.
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Chelsea [-585]
Fulham [+1350]
Draw [+675]
THE BAD: Fulham’s defense. They are rull, rull bad. The Cottagers skated by with a close win over Southampton by damning the torpedoes and outscoring an opponent that had eight goals in 12 games coming in. That ain’t gonna fly against a Chelsea team that got exposed by Tottenham’s combination of high pressure and quality. Fulham can try to recreate the pressure, but not as well, and bring nowhere near the same quality to the table. Chelsea to win 3-0.
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Liverpool [-275]
Everton [+700]
Draw [+380]
THE UGLY: Has nothing to do with the clubs themselves. I have said many times that Liverpool is one of the most entertaining teams in the world to watch when they are playing well (though, in truth, we are still waiting for them to get out of third gear this season… which says something since they are the only one still nipping at City’s heels). Everton has some exciting talent up top, and Gylfi Siggurdsson – despite his ungodly purchase price and completely wasted 2017-18 season – has been holding it down in the middle. Repeat: the teams are not ugly. However, the games between them for the last few years have by and large been absolutely atrocious, which sucks because this rivalry ALWAYS used to bring the heat back in the day.
Call me a blind optimist, but I think this could very well turn into at least a bit of a shootout (multiple goals would almost constitute that given the recently history). Everton certainly don’t want the game to go that route. They will probably try to slow things down and ugly it up. But an early goal from Liverpool – not at all out of the question – would be just what the doctored ordered/hoped for. Liverpool to win 3-1 in a game that (like Watford last weekend) will feel closer than the final score suggests.
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Additional picks (to increase the odds I eventually get one right) going in order from most to least interesting:
• CITY vs BOURNEMOUTH – Bournemouth has proven that they belong in the top half this season while City, thanks to Lyon (twice), have proven that they are human (maybe). Interestingly, Bournemouth actually play a little like Lyon…. unfortunately – no offense to Ryan Fraser, et al – they just don’t have the same difference makers as the Frenchies. City’s to win 3-1.
• LESTER vs WATFORD – Quietly hugely important game for two teams with Europa aspirations. The Hornets have quietly played well lately but have very little to show for it. On the other side Harry Maguire is looking like a huge miss (he’s doubtful) coming up against the Size of Troy Deeney and speed of Gerard Deulofeu. Watford to win 2-1.
• NEWCUCKSTLE vs WEST HAM – As teased above, Toon is hot af but nobody loves getting cucked at home like our boys from just south of the wall. West Ham to win 2-0.
• PALACE vs BURNLEY – Been a while since Wilfy Zaha put the team on his back and singlehandedly carried the Eagles to victory. No better time to do it than against the hapless Joe Hart. Palace to win 1-0.
• HUDDERSFIELD vs BRIGHTON – No Glenn Murray no party for the Seagulls. Also, Huddersfield are good at home and Brighton are turrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrible on the road. 1-1 draw makes no sense but at the same time too much sense.
• SOUTHAMPTON vs UNITED – United kinda suck. Llet’s just be honest. The players don’t suck but they are like combining Skittles, Reese’s Pieces and Peanut Butter M&M’s… by themselves they are pretty good and get the jobs done but together they suck balls. And yet – annnnnnnnnnnnd yet – they are miles better than the shadow of Southampton we now see before us. United to win 2-0.
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LAP AROUND THE WORLD
Spain – Real Madrid seemed like they had gotten their shit together under new coach Solari…. then they got spanked by mighty Eibar last weekend. Hm, interesting. This week they welcome an equally up and down Valencia to the Bernabeu on Saturday (1:45pm CT).
Germany – Much like Madrid, Bayern have been all over the place this season and Nico Kovac’s ass is decidedly in the jackpot. Big game at Werder on Saturday.
Italy – Solid game in Serie A on Sunday between 7th place Roma, desperately in need of a win to start closing the gap with the (2019-20) Champions League contenders, and 3rd place Inter.
MLS – Congrats to Hotlanta and Portlandia for qualifying for MLS Cup, which will take place next Saturday (December 8). More comprehensive preview – and possibly some other fun content stuff – still to come… stay tuned!
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So there we have it. Great weekend of games, including like 8 straight hours of fantasticness on Sunday. Back again next week!
Holler,
Samuel Army